Exams are finally over and there goes my final year of Advanced Diploma. Not quite sure am I suppose to be happy or sad as I'm only having mixed feelings. Am I suppose to feel relief and free? But how come the past few days all I've been was feeling down and emotional.
I though I've let the pass go but evetually it was not totally over. It seems harder than I though especially during the exams period, when time seem to be moving so slow and things were pretty quiet. Loneliness was how I felt and everything seems to be coming to and end. The classes, my fellow coursemates and of course, him.
This seem to be another difficult time to go through again. Just like back in Form 5. Everything ended and I felt so sad cause of the change. Friends depart and we all go on with our separate ways. Well I suck at farewell for I have really low EQ. I can't control my feelings and cry easily. Well....even when I watch show I would also cry. (=.=) Yes yes, seem really pathetic person but I have been like this ever since young. Is not that I cry to get the attention as I do cry when I'm alone in my room. Never really had the skills to control my emotions even until today.
Things have been pretty rough lately. When you're bored and lonely at home with no one to talk to, one will tend to watch shows or drama. For me, it has always been the case for I catch up on my movies and dramas when I'm free during the holidays and also my reading of storybook. I hate how much the feeling of missing my friends and him. *sigh* Last night, I cried again. Worst thing is, first time I cried so hard with all my heart until I had difficulty of breathing and slept pretty late. The next day I woke up getting sick. Wtf!
If I were to be blind one day, it had got to be from all the crying.*sigh* Letting go seems to be forever for it is so hard to not to think of that person. People say, "Out of sight means out of mind". Well it doesn't seem to be the working and rather ironic as it contradicts with, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder". It's sad cause it felt like we are strangers to each other. Never greet nor even smile at each other anymore. Is that how friends are suppose to be? Its really nerve recking when I tried not to think of him.
The other reason why I'm really frust about is cause I get to know things which comes unintentionally. Perhaps it was me being sensitive as I don't know how to control my fucking emotions. One can always see my emotions base on my expressions. Guess that is why people dislike me and I don't have much friends. I may not be the brightest girl, the prettiest girl, or the sexiest friendliest girl, but I tried my best to be myself and not being hate or dislike. But I guess things never really goes as how we wanted it too. When I told YB that he said girls I complicated. I wonder why too.
It is impossible to know someone completely, but you can at least know what kind of person they are. I"m really tired. Tired of all the crying. Tired of all the nonsense in my mind. Sick of putting up with a strong face all the time. I wish I could have my memories wipe out in an instant to where we first met. For this time, I perhaps might choose a different route. Perhaps a change of environment would be good. It might or might not, at least colour up this grey life of mine. But it would be a very difficult decision to make for I will surely miss my friends alot.
Here's a little tribute to all my AMA classmates. I'm glad of getting to know each and everyone of you. People come and go but friends remain forever, Like a circle where there is no beginning and no end. Just an endless circle that goes around forever. ( Click on the pic to have a larger view)
Before I close for the year 2009, I would just say that year 2009 will definately be unforgettable for it consists not only wonderful and beautiful memories but also triumph and sorrow which would help me grow. As for 2010, I'm looking forward to see what life has to offer to me. The pursuit of happiness and being bubbly or even happy-go-lucky like how I used to be. It may not be an easy route, but if one never try one will never know.
Last but not the least is Steven's birthday party. Kinda lazy to type anymore so here are some of the pictures that I've compile. Overall is was a fun night. Blessed birthday, Mah!
P/s : To all my friends, "Don't be sad because its over, but smile because it happened" (^.^)v
[playing on my playlist is Westlife's latest album Where We Are (5 songs)]
