Never Ever by All Saints

The past few days I keep on hearing this old song on the radio and it makes me think again and again. Lyrics are as below:-

A few questions that I need to know
how you could ever hurt me so
I need to know what I've done wrong
and how long it's been going on
Was it that I never paid enough attention?
Or did I not give enough affection?
Not only will your answers keep me sane
but I'll know never to make the same mistake again
You can tell me to my face or even on the phone
You can write it in a letter, either way, I have to know
Did I never treat you right?
Did I always start the fight?
Either way, I'm going out of my mind
all the answers to my questions
I have to find

My head's spinning
Boy, I'm in a daze
I feel isolated
Don't wanna communicate

I'll take a shower, I will scour
I will rub
To find peace of mind
The happy mind I once owned, yeah

Flexing vocabulary runs right through me
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find

I'm not crazy
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong, no
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling
won't last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When you gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad

Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right

I'll keep searching
Deep within my soul
For all the answers
Don't wanna hurt no more

I need peace, got to feel at ease
Need to be.
Free from pain - going insane
My heart aches, yeah

Sometimes vocabulary runs through my head
The alphabet runs right from A to Zed
Conversations, hesitations in my mind
You got my conscience asking questions that I can't find

I'm not crazy,
I'm sure I ain't done nothing wrong
I'm just waiting
'Cause I heard that this feeling won't last that long

Never ever have I ever felt so low
When ya gonna take me out of this black hole?
Never ever have I ever felt so sad
The way I'm feeling yeah, you got me feeling really bad

Never ever have I had to find
I've had to dig away to find my own peace of mind
I've Never ever had my conscience to fight
The way I'm feeling, yeah, I just don't feel right x4

You can tell me to my face,
You can tell me on the phone,
Uh, You can write it in a letter, babe
'Cause I really need to know

You can write it in a letter, babe
You can write it in a letter, babe

End of October

Oh well....October is coming to an end and November is entering with much to anticipate or perhaps not? Well I used to be agitated when thinking about November as there was something that I am looking forward to. But now......as much as I want to look forward to it, it might not be any use anymore. As much as I want to continue to stay in this dream or fantasy of mine, reality just has a way of finding us. I must remind myself from time to time to wake up from this dream as he doesn't heart me anymore. Why must I still bother? Its not my business anymore. People don't want you to care or bother anymore...do you not see it? Have to get that into that thick skull of mine *sigh*

Although some dreams may be shattered, others might not. Looking forward to meet up with my cousin, watch movies with the girls or even shopping when the sales begin as I've not buy anything yet for Chinese New Year. (>.<) Yet with so many assignments piling up like nobody's business which I've not started any.....so dead....which makes me wonder how will I find time for this month's entertainment *sobs* Am looking forward to 3 movies, 2012, Twilight New Moon and Ninja Assassin. Anybody wants to watch it with me?

P.S. I just hope that I can look forward to it at least just once *sigh*

P.P.S The new playlist consists of 11 new latest hits. Enjoy =)

I'm back =)

Ah well I was away for a week. Well.....was not literally away for a holiday thou I like to think of it that way, but was just away from using the Internet for a week. Its not really that tough when you're busy with the many other things to do. So time just slip away very quickly. However, it was a little inconvenience when not being able to use the Internet as and when I want. Being away for 1 week I guess nobody even notice. Oh well, that happens when you're a nobody. People don't bother nor care as I am probably invisible to most people. I guess even when I die nobody would realise until few years later?

Once enter FB today, I saw something that I did not want to see. As much as its rather hurtful, I guess I can't run away from it. The harder I try to run away from it the more things pop up for me to see as time passes by.

Talking about this relationship thing, the though of a friend comes to my mind. A guy friend of mine who has a heart of GOLD. Why would I say that? Well he IS really the nicest guy on Earth I've met so far and he loves his gf very much but she....well I don't really know her that well....all I see is she doesn't really appreciate him much. She never really care what he thinks, what he wants nor what he does. Although she do seem rather caring at times but normally he is just her punching bag. He also often put others before himself. He do think of others who needed help wherever and whenever. Being caring, loving and such a nice guy, people like this are hard to find nowadays especially a bf like this. I just hope his gf will treat him better as he really do not deserve to be treated like that.

Sometimes I really wonder why are the nicest person on Earth being treated like that? The two of them have been together for awhile now.....I'll just pray that their relationship will grow and last for a life time and may there be many more happiness to come.

Well I should just end today's entry here with a song by N Sync.
Title : Tearin' Up My Heart

Chorus
Its tearin up my heart when I'm with you
And when we are apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you

Hey

Baby, I don't understand
Just why we can't be lovers
Things are getting out of hand
Tryin to much, but baby we can win
Let it go, if you want me girl let me know
I am down, on my knees
I can't take it anymore

Chorus

Hooooooh, all right

Baby don't misunderstand, (don't misunderstand)
What I'm trying to tell ya
In the corner of my mind, (corner of my mind)
Baby it feels like were running out of time
Let it go (go) if you want me girl let me know
I am down on my knees, I cant take it anymore ohhhhh..

Chorus

Tearin up my heart and soul, when were apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I'll feel the pain with or without you

Tearin up my heart and soul when were apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I'll feel the pain with or without you

Chorus 2x

And no matter what I do I feel the pain with or with out you

I don't know what to think anymore

Here I am, thinking that I would brave myself to take those little steps.
To pick up the pieces of my life.
To try to move forward but all of a sudden I got hit and fall off again.
Why oh why dear God must I be treated this way?

A friend of ours (Friend A) who suddenly bug me yesterday and started talking so much about him. I though I could just pretend as usual like nothing was wrong while we were chatting until he knows about it on his own. Little did I know when he was asking more and more I couldn't take it anymore. I went to ask another friend, Friend B, to tell Friend A what has actually happened so that Friend A can stop asking me so much.

Its just too much pain I'm going through right now. Isn't it bad enough that I'm already not feeling well and You bring me more surprises. Pushing me into the darker side. Despite all the pain whether its body, eyes, nose or whatever that is, nothing beats the pain of being stabbed by a knife in the heart all over again. NOTHING!!!!!!!!!

Why don't You just take me away with You? I'm feeling so sick of all the things that I'm going through now and I think I can just loose my mind soon. I will eventually fall back into depression from all this HAVOC!!!!!! I can't take this pain anymore. I'm really tired from all of this. Too tired to think, too tired to eat, too tired to do anything anymore. I've got no more strength to fight and carry on. I just feel like dying right now. Will You just take me away with You?

Jessmyn's 21st Birthday

Last week Thursday night some of our classmates and course mates came to celebrate Jessmyn's 21st birthday. As on Friday, went outing with Jessmyn and some of the girls as well. We went to watch The Private Lives of Pippa Lee. Goodness......the movies is so boring even though its from a book! Never in my life I've watch such unlogical and weird show ever (=.=") Sorry Jessmyn.....first time follow us for movie and you had such a bad experience. Well about this movie.....I really dunno how to say....speechless.....all of us who went almost fall asleep while watching this particular movie as non of us have a clue what was the movie about and we just decided to go for a movie without a proper planning. The actors in the movie have all acted in pretty good shows so we just give a try and then kena hentam. LOL.

The birthday girl

Steamboat + BBQ

Seating: Manyan & Mages

Ray (in black)

The girls

NKC, Adrian, Xian Long, Jack

KKC (in white) , Xiao Min (in yellow)

Ming & Mah (in white)

Seating : Shwu Lyn, Maple, Levina

Seating : Alfred & Fatt

Seating: Pei Chin, See Mei, Pui Yin

The F4s

Group pic

The lovely couple

Lunch @ KLCC

My food *yummie*

Just A Little Bit

Every now and then people ask me how am I. But lately whenever someone ask me that, I really just want to tell them, "Can you all stop asking me this 3 words?" I don't blame them as some of them are friends whom I've not catch up with in awhile....but it really is hard to just put on a smiley face when you really feel alot of pain in the inside yet we still must put on a fake smile so that people won't ask so much.

One week being in college and its rather long and difficult to go through. Yesterday I cried in the lecture all of a sudden because it was raining outside. Whenever it rain, I will think of you, think of our song and tears starts flowing from my eyes. The night before (Thursday) I could not sleep and I start to think of you and cried all over again through out the night. Guess only had about 3 hours of sleep.

Lately was having problem sleeping at night and if I did manage to sleep, I'll end up wake around noon time. Due to the lack of sleep, it seem to have change my eating time and habit as well. Was not having the appetite or mood to eat and thus skip breakfast throughout the week.

每次我看见你，我真的希望我可以告诉你
宝贝有想我吗?
我好想你!
想念触摸你的脸
想念你的拥抱
想念你的气味
想念和你一起顽皮
想念你那可爱的样子
想念和你一起读书
想念你的笑声
想念和你一起去购物
想念和你一起去看电影
想念听你说你爱我
也想念告诉你我爱你

Outing =)

Well I was waiting for the pictures before my next post as I realised that my post lately are nothing but words, words and more words. On the Tuesday I went out with the girls and hang out in Sungai Wang. We went luncheon, shopping, karaoke and more shopping after that. Lol. When we went to Daiso Japan was the worst as the things there are really tempting us to buy "them". Lol. So many cute and pretty things. Some of us ended up spending so much there. Haha....and going out with the girls are bad sometimes as some of us will ended up being the victims to shop. Lol.

Luncheon

Take 1

Take 2

Friendship

Circle that never ends

Take 3

Take 4

1st item for the day

Tada! Love it!!!

2nd item =)

Last but not the least

Back in college

Being back in college after two weeks break seem pretty much not motivated. Because I did not get to go for a holiday and during the holiday I only went to meet 1 friend out of the whole two week! Only one person......swt....how pathetic my life can get?

Oh well.....first day and I should say the timetable suck to the max. About 6 weeks of our classes cancel and replacement dates have also been given to us. Thanks to the very efficient and the most lovable Mr. Clement. I just love him cause he really is the smartest man I've met in my life so far....hehehe....but my classes end at 5pm!!!!!!!!!! *sigh*

In life there are always first for everything. Whether its a first hug, first kiss or so and so, every one of it mean a different thing to different people. To some its just part of the experience in life while to others it is something memorable to cherish on throughout their life.

Today was the first day back in college meeting him ever since we split. I try to avoid him as much as I could by not bumming into him but I guess eventually I can't run forever since college doesn't seem to be so big anymore. Sigh. I'm just scare that I'll start crying again if I can't control my emotions as I still do feel head over heels for him. I've never been this way before with anyone and letting go is not what I wanted. I dint want to let go cause thinking that if I were to have a second chance to proof myself. However a friend of mine told me that its not possible and that I'm out of my freaking mind and being silly because he doesn't heart me anymore. What is the point for me to continue to have a crush on him as this relationship is only one sided and its the past. But I am thinking of the future and not the past.

Well to me nothing is easy in life yet it doesn't mean that its not attainable because every challenge in life is a test and God has His reasons for all that happened. Although I've never encounter it in my life before but I do believe in fate. Just because all this do happen in books and dramas doesn't mean it had never happen before in real life. Opportunities do come and go. Perhaps by living in this fantasy it would eventually be easier for me by not sobbing so much as time flies and I eventually will need to move on with life but I won't know how long this will go on in order to end it. Living in a fantasy is always easier because we are just avoiding the reality in life and by that way we don't feel so much pain and all of our dreams will come true in our mind.

Happy Mid-Autumn Festival

My favourite event of the year is finally here!!!!!!!!!! Yes yes......a happy mid-autumn festival to everyone =) I remember how I used to play lantern and going around downstairs my house last time with my brother......ah.....the wonderful memories.....but mum always only let us play awhile....ish.....and how most of the time the Mid-Autumn Festival always falls on our exam period....ish ish....

Oh well this year is a slightly different kind of celebration as I do not have any lantern with me and that we are all grown up but I still enjoy looking at the little kids playing around with it. The moon is always full and bright however today I can't really see the moon as the sky is pretty dirty which makes the moon seem pretty blur.....oh well....better luck next year =)

And a little update on myself, I would like to thank all my dear friends a very BIG thank you for comforting me and giving me their support. THANK YOU peeps!!!!!! Especially to that dear girlfriend of mine....you know who you are....thanks for telling me that we shouldn't look at things in one perspective and that has sort of hit me and got me thinking this sadness in a different way. With your words and a song which actually makes me realise and look at the bigger picture. Thank you!!!!!!! And I did not shed a tear at all today and am pretty happy....part of it is also cause its Mid-Autumn Festival =)


Song title : 我知道
Singer : BY2
Lyrics :-

從來沒想過
cong lai mei xiang guo
不能再和你牽手
bu neng zai he ni qian shou
委屈時候 沒有你
wei qu shi hou mei you ni
陪著我心痛
pei zhu wo xin tong
一切都是我
yi qie dou shi wo
太過驕縱
tai guo jiao zong
以為你會懂
yi wei ni hui dong
一直忘了說
yi zhi wang le shuo
我有多感動
wo you duo gan dong

我知道你還是愛著我
wo zhi dao ni hai shi ai zhe wo
雖然 分開的理由
sui ran, fen kai de li you
我們都已接受
wo men dou yi jie shou
你知道我會有多難過
ni zhi dao wo hui you duo nan guo
所以 即使到最後
suo yi ji shi dao zui hou
還微笑著 要我加油
hai wei xiao zhu yao wo jia you

我知道你還放不下我
wo zhi dao ni hai fang bu xia wo
才會 在離開時
cai hui zai li kai shi
閉著眼沒有回頭
bi zhe yan mei you hui tou
我們都知道彼此心中
wo men dou zhi dao bi ci xin zhong
其實 這份愛沒停過
qi shi zhe fen ai mei ting guo


從來沒想過
cong lai mei xiang guo
不能再和你牽手
bu neng zai he ni qian shou
委屈時候 沒有你
wei qu shi hou mei you ni
陪著我心痛
pei zhu wo xin tong
一切都是我
yi qie dou shi wo
太過驕縱
tai guo jiao zong
以為你會懂
yi wei ni hui dong
一直忘了說
yi zhi wang le shuo
我有多感動
wo you duo gan dong

我知道你還是愛著我
wo zhi dao ni hai shi ai zhe wo
雖然 分開的理由
sui ran, fen kai de li you
我們都已接受
wo men dou yi jie shou
你知道我會有多難過
ni zhi dao wo hui you duo nan guo
所以 即使到最後
suo yi ji shi dao zui hou
還微笑著 要我加油
hai wei xiao zhu yao wo jia you

我知道你還放不下我
wo zhi dao ni hai fang bu xia wo
才會 在離開時
cai hui zai li kai shi
閉著眼沒有回頭
bi zhe yan mei you hui tou
我們都知道彼此心中
wo men dou zhi dao bi ci xin zhong
其實 這份愛沒停過
qi shi zhe fen ai mei ting guo

曾經完整幸福的夢
ceng jing wan zheng xing fu de meng
在腦海裡頭
zai mao hai li tou
我多希望你
wo duo xi wang ni
還在我左右
hai zai wo zuo you

我知道你還是愛著我
wo zhi dao ni hai shi ai zhe wo
雖然 分開的理由
sui ran, fen kai de li you
我們都已接受
wo men dou yi jie shou
你知道我會有多難過
ni zhi dao wo hui you duo nan guo
所以 即使到最後
suo yi ji shi dao zui hou
還微笑著 要我加油
hai wei xiao zhu yao wo jia you

我知道你還放不下我
wo zhi dao ni hai fang bu xia wo
才會 在離開時
cai hui zai li kai shi
閉著眼沒有回頭
bi zhe yan mei you hui tou
答應你 我會好好過
da ying ni wo hui hao hao guo
不讓 這些眼淚白流 你牽手
bu rang zhe xie yan lei bai liu

p.s. I will not give up because I believe in fate
p.p.s This song is playing on my player

Typhoon, Earthquake and Tsunami

I don't know what to say but just chills ran down my spine as I start to shiver looking at all this and tears form in my eyes....again.... Here are the few videos from the news.

Do you believe in fate?

It seems that crying is becoming my new hobby lately. Every night before I sleep, every day when I wake up and whenever my mind starts to wonder, tears starts flowing. When is this going to stop????? 1 week? 1 month? 1 year? You said that I won't feel so hurt after this but right now this pain is just unbearable and its more painful then what I used to go through.

Today I force myself to go out in order to keep staying in my room as whenever I enter my room the feeling of loosing you comes back to haunt me over and over again. Getting up early even before my alarm ring is something new as I hardly ever will wake up before my alarm starts shouting at me.

This few days I also keep thinking how would I react or how should I react if I see you again? But never will I though that I will bum into you. You seem really calm as if nothing ever happen but I just stunned and tears started piling up in my eyes but I try to stop myself as I was in the train. Lucky I was only stopping after 1 station and first thing in my mind was to rush into the toilet so that nobody sees me crying. However I feel ashamed as my eyes were reddish and swollen.

After watching G-Force, my friend went back straight and I was left alone walking around wandering on my own for a couple of hours. It has been a long long time ever since I wander around in a shopping complex by myself. I never did like the feeling so I went to MPH Bookstore to pass time and also left earlier since I have nothing better to do.

By next week I would have to face you again and I hope I can control and refrain myself from crying but it wouldn't be easy and its not the first time my friends see me crying as I am a cry baby and I was called by that nick ever since I was a kid.

To me being in a relationship has its own challenges as life is never easy and are full of challenges but it never occurs to me that you will give up so fast without really going through that much. Perhaps you were really not into me...I wouldn't know since you seem to be perfectly fine when I saw you today.

I guess that will be enough for the day. Just want to say, There is only one thing in happiness that is to love and be loved.

P.S. I will always love you.